Just Get with it

This guy says he was thinking of me.

Hum I ponder someone I am thinking of his smell, whom he with may be making him laugh.

I know his email, and his number ever though he blocked me and tried to deceive me by saying I dialed the wrong number.

I know when he is going to keep certain post on his Facebook page.

I know when he is about to post.

I know when I missed an update and Facebook havent notified me since 09 but I met him 3years later.

I know some post has a limited time on his page and some post he will keep for certain.

I know him.

I know the cue when he is thinking to say something but refrain.

I know he believes I’m not good enough but my heart wanted to see him.

I know when my actions gone too far.

I know his middle name, his birthday, his ringtone that will never change, his shoe size without looking at the shoes size in the shoe, his style his smell through never the same and the name of his preferred collegne brand, clothing line, and I know which side of the bed he prefer.

I know which of his friend he utterly respects so I don’t ask him to use his cellphone to spy on him or ask him questions to get info out of him.

But the guys that act like they are interested don’t remember my name, or better yet say they do but insist like or missed me correcting them but I always feel a breeze.

He and I can be in the dessert he would find a way to cheat or lose interest.

We can be on the mountain top and the snow and stony rocks would be warmer towards me

Ever get that feeling of alone? Like how can you like me, and know absolutely nothing about me? I don’t get it.

I have the same phone number for years, guy said he misses me and yet I have to remind him of my number.

The guy I like, didn’t even give me his number.

Known it like (inhale deeply) air!

Guys don’t persue. Like this chase is like the lionist getting the meat. The males don’t hunt!

Makes me wish males were like sea horses….Here I love you have my baby. He be more careful with whom he screw and say dumb things to then.

You in my heart, dude that is so heartless considering you ate my fries, told your folks about me but I have no name in your phone or head? Like where they do that at? Here in Alabama I don’t know if they do this world wide but definitely here in Alabama.

Jerks! I get more play from ticks and stuff.

I’m not going to mean mug, I’m going to the store Sticks and Stuff load up on pepper spray, mace cause I don’t know the difference and tasers and spy gear. Like taser lip stick so once I taser the fake wanna be player who doesn’t even have the looks of a pretty boy or money of atleast billionaire nerd with those tired lines they be like “oh pandemic madness another fool down. “

I think some guys biggest mistake and which is literally my grave turn off is thinking being friends with my kid would make me happy.

Actually it makes me block your number and pray God keeps you far from me.

I am leading lady in my life. My king is leading man my child is supporting role, I support my kid and if leading man forget how important it is to pamper me over all else he is then absent man.

Applause for absent man he couldn’t leave fast enough. Defeated by assuming that his role is to take care my kid.

That’s child’s play.

Hake did they learn nothing from husband’s who felt out of sorts when their own wives took care the kids over their needs?

That’s my job. Support and protect me damnit.

Maybe men should take notes from Dramas “Things absolutely not to repeat from their position.”

“One guy was like you remember when your kid shot me with the water gun that day?”

“I was like remember when you tried to push me through bars to touch the monkey?”

He was like “nope.”

That’s how I feel about cultivating this relationship any further “nope.”

He was like I kept wondering why we didn’t make it!

πŸ™„πŸŒ guys trust goes both ways I was like you too damn insecure. I told you I wasn’t dating went on a trip and he literally nagged me the entire time. I

Upon return we didn’t speak because I pointed it out of his insecurities he came knocking on my door like the police, no call or text. To ask to come over or see if I wanted to go out.

That sounds like Cops turn into America’s most wanted right there.

Trust and believe when I’m proud enough to marry he won’t have room to take care the kids needs. Darling I’m a well of needs ok. I’m clingy. (Pink panther voice.)Selfish even.

Ignore me will cost you, your wallet, and make up sessions I’m so serious. Cleaning the house oh you can do it.

Don’t try it. Any woman agreeing to this don’t try her. I will make you watch me try on fancy clothes at a mall strip please don’t.

Buy huge items and return them, don’t try me. A car. oh take it back. Train tickets I might go, leave you to unclog pipes, crannies, and corner don’t do it.

Make him message my entire body, then pray and go to bed. Don’t try me. Then as soon as hubby snore sex him then go to bed after telling him the lawn needs mowing.

You know?πŸ€” Done this way😊 Marriage sounds like funπŸ˜πŸ˜†πŸ˜‚

The awful trip

My heart pounding in my chest.

He must think I’m gross.

I do try.

My nails have taken a terrible turn.

I even put on the oils, the lotion, the Mani treatments from CVS and soaked in lavender salt every so often.

Recently I discovered my iron medicine made a fool of my nail beds because I stopped popping pistachio for awhile but to no end the pain was there.

To fingers I don’t use to crack those puppies.

I haven’t gotten my feet done since 09 and before that never.

Uh I think to myself why do you torment yourself.

Maybe I’m over thinking it.

I’m taller then this guy.

My feet makes perfect sense for my height.

I walk alot.

No one knows my struggle.

Why am I fighting myself over a small pampering moment?

Maybe I should tip this guy for touching my feet.

Maybe I shouldn’t he missed a spot.

,…I guess that money was for the message and someone touching my feet.

I hate the guilt like really.

This self-conscious beating me down and driving me nuts.

I don’t owe them anything.

And of course no returning. I see I can just save by doing it myself. It looks like something I did anyway.

Within intention

I had witness that first impression are not seriously the inquiry one makes for long term or short term relationships.

It is in fact what these individuals do in a setting of uncomfortability.

After 9years of knowing one friend she has shown me a reserved side, a side I was just going through not too long ago.

See you can warn a friend that the abyss is just a step away but the decision to heed ear and action is their own.

Then another friend whom seems content in distant seem only to contact when say seems odd times. All the time you reached out, and called out the schedule conflicted their lives and rattled their mood and desire to hangout is obviously little to none.

So you become ok with the distance and question motives of interest.

Why is it that when you make suggestions it doesn’t fit their schedule but somehow you can make room for them.

Aloud the answer is clear.

Trying to be spirituality rooted but even God trim the bad unbearing fruits.

Is there a point?

Would hanging out truly be in vain?

Maybe some angels go to heaven early because they hang on too deeply to the lost cause.

Jesus died at the age of 31 for everyone and yet there will be some that enter hell.

He had great love my love is a flicker of light, at best.

My patience is worst.

I think sending love from a far is wwaay better.

Do I speak up knowing you would lie to me?

Jesus knew who Judas was.

He said do what you have to quickly!

Is caring for friends who can’t even share their true thoughts a dead horse?

I knew a friend and it grew our bond deeply to fight and disagree.

The appreciation of her feelings and mine was that honesty could leave our lips to our ears and even if we disagreed mad respect for having and thinking but speaking up for your self.

Exploding at a friend is a very impulsive move, but a friend understands within reason of course. Just don’t keep kicking them for understanding because as humans we can’t be there every pain, every joy, every need, every hurdle, every embrace every night, every day, every break up, every make up, every blessing and every dark days.

It’s just odd when Jose calls says hay want to chill after 3months of silence then Helana says next day hay want to shop you like Helena I haven’t heard from you in 5months. πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ˜ΆWhat you up too?

No really what’s going on, you not trying to kill me and hide my body in the basement?

This weird triangle like do I hang out? But I got no feelings. And have no clue or desire to find them.

Do I wait for them to return?

Is it I? Am I just wanting to burn a bridge because I see signs that look familiar so ending on a good note is better than a bitter end.

I seen this behavior before with people I liked a lot less.

Being a nagging nancy is hard but being right in this situation makes me prefer nagging nancy knitting a neat head band and 60’s workout socks

I’m preparing to workout and not eat my feelings thank you. Didn’t think I had to rhyme.

Warning to you and you nails.

I love pistachio

Cousin of cashews my former love.

Oh how I loved cashews, covered in chocolate laced with powdered sea salt.

But I moved on to Pistacia Vera whose name reminds me of a cold bottle of lemon twisted aloe vera or Bebida de Sabila.

I used to love honey roasted cashews but I do not like honey roasted pistachios.

Did you know a mature major crop takes about 8 to 10 years?

In one season cluster of fruits like-grape bunch are produced on pistachio trees in one season?

So technically the pistachio is a seed but a nut in one.

If the fruit be mature the skin is off white while exposed a light green.

My source of energy and increase HDL cholesterol levels eaten regularly.

But their shells are damaging to your nails.

If like me able to open those bad boys between your dumb and pointing fingers many applause you and I were fools.

Sacrificing our nails to these monsters of nutrients.

Buy whole unshelled, coat intact, heavy in hand feel, and rancid smell says FDA.

Or at least for Pete sake save your fingers! Get a nut cracker.

The wonders I done with a box of roasted wonderful salted pistachio from Sam’s is indeed a marvelous crime.

I digress but do males cringe even slightly at the word nut cracker?

I got a solution it’s new name….is ball basher.

JK haha the Shell Might. Now save your fingers and get your Shell Might today.

Revelation of Moana

I am sure others must have considered the same ideas as I did watching it.

A young girl and an unfortunate chicken out on a venture to save her people.

This chicken was without brains but it had something the pig did not, courage.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because they don’t know fear.

The pig which had character was forgotten because the moment something got hard it ran and was never heard from.

Even the sea knew the chicken….

Maui this guy who no matter what he done could not please people.

Bless with new found life he sacrifice it to please people never grateful always begging and during so opening a wound he had since he was young.

A boy thrown into the sea by his own parents but as he grew he yearn for love and just went about it the wrong way, hurting and not knowing that his pain and misguided intention would cause a world of pain.

He renamed this pain. For when he stole her heart as she slept she became unrecognizable but honestly when you look through eyes of greed, and self pleasing can you truly see pass your own self?

Maui kept referring to Moana as 2things a princess and little girl.

Until one respects and know self how could one register who others are, as he struggled to connect with the power inside his self.

He denied Moana’s reason for journey and her worth in all that she done tossing her off the boat numerous times and without remorse. As if he rightfully owned her boat in exchange for a self image cave and an armful of fruits. The very island he was trapped for a thousand years. You would think with all that time to reflect it shouldn’t have taken a girl with a chicken to make him realize that both goddess one of land and one of fire were one of the same. I mean he should have studied her before the stealing of her heart.

Do not let others define you, it might be coming from a place of pain and stunt your own growth

There is one thing I agreed with way finding, ” I know where to go, because I know where I’m from.” I like to add where your from often is not who you are.

Moana kept going forward through her people were taught to fear and stay.

Where she was wasn’t even a bad place.

And one good friend of courage to stick by you is better than a smart friend that only likes you when the situation is good. Even Maui’s friend spoke sense. He wouldn’t listen but he told him.

Eradicate

These feelings I once had linger to nothingness.

A nerve in my vains still breathing nonsense, your name.

On a page your address no warm feeling or ill wishes.

I searched in places for something to wash it out.

I was fine.

It is ok.

….until I began to erase the drawn hearts with intials of your and mine name.

It was anxiety creeping up my spine and finger tips stretching to my heart like the right switch to the wrong room.

Can I be comfortably happy without you?

Darn tooting, I just need the notebook not your address or memories I made up of us.

Time to grow up, and stamp out anything of you.

No making excuses.

No looking for you in the shadows of my light.

Looking ahead to the brisk of every morning with a smile that reasons you need not be concern.

Suppressing nolonger longing affection but getting rid of the poison which is you.

To the new normal, zapped to live life with new energy.

Miss diagnostic

Common sense.

The world goes inside and out.

Right side down.

Or was this always here?

I’m flustered.

I’m seriously baffled as the thoughts pour unto me like a fall of cold water in 60degree weather.

Breathe in you. Don’t take it personally you.

Everything being reassigned and resigned for this generation.

I’m not scared, I just hope I don’t have to witness it.

Common sense. Smh

It used to be a time others were said to have been here before, as if their actions revealed a thorough observation and reflection and the best result would in turn come from this action.

To my own parents I must have been the other child, but to me, I thought I could have done better as well.

You know it’s one thing for children to disappoint the parents and yet no one speaks of the disapproving parent it’s just all they knew.

I do not know who came up with the phase common sense but I am willing to bet he is rolling in his grave as it is not as common, senses of moderate humans seem totally lacking.

I had to stop myself from smacking a child at an action that it scared me how inconceivable inconsiderate this child was.

I thought people would usually get a taste of their own child hood from offsprings. I tell you the truth if you do you are indeed bless.

For if you did you may easily just reflect upon self to get the child you once was a bond you understand.

Jeez if i was my parent I wouldn’t love and adore as I’m not perfect but damnit I’m better than my folks put together. And that truth.

I did dishes at 5, this on has rarely touched the broom.

But then I was never social bug, or interested just trying to take the day in and I don’t spank uselessly, also I know her name. I was often spank for things accused of doing or not doing. I listen and this one won’t even open her mouth to speak up for herself.

Common sense?

Smh when did fully thinking for a 7yr old means they possess this you been here before so you have away motor skills of complete thought so others would have to hear you ask the same simple question as if you did not hear, put away your doll.

This generation 7yr olds “What doll? That doll? Where do I put it? That doll? Can I have it? That doll? What doll? My doll? Put it? Where?” Stretched in 20min about the same darn toy

As if the more they ask the more likely you change your mind and even breathe and live for them.

Me playing with my lower lip.” I’m coming bugs bbbbbblllllllllllllllllthhheeerrrr”

No Miss Dial

My phone ring I pick up there is no person on the other line.

My phone ring I pick up, there’s this scammer or three on line 2 through 5.

My phone rings I pick up someone looking for Jerri, Carol, or Micheal.

My phone rings I don’t notice the number I go Hola, y no.

Now if I miss your call, and you meant to get me, I apologise.

I call back number disconnected.

I return calls that computer tells me I’m just a joker on the other line.

My phone rings I pick up, there’s a guy on the other line. I say I didn’t call he tells me to check my phone history and I’m like bro this 2021 my phone on the table and I doubt the table dialed.

This guy’s relentless, still on my case about this number and I’m like πŸ™„πŸ˜”πŸ˜³πŸ‘Ώ I didn’t call so I guess Satan used my digit to bounce off a satalight but no one but no one would waste their time checking history to a cellphone that was on the table no matter how much you beg, but you can get the block…ASAP.

Decent human being would have just said well you have a wonderful day and click not convince a person they had to have called some random number….like hello your fridge running? Go catch it. Leave the kiddie jokes in 09.

Because my only intentional misdial is blogging for viewers like you.

For bloody Pete sake

Not another one.

I get so tired of hearing it.

Oh you don’t have to do that for me.

I wouldn’t think it.

Or like me, your doing x, y and z.

I breathe for no one.

I honestly pity the ones who believe they do.

It is one thing to spark a certain passion in someone.

It’s even honorable to aid a person to become better.

But it is by their choice to live better.

It is our choice to succeed and mark the world or stride step by step affecting one person at a time.

Let those who been impacted say so.

Because if your patting your own back, tooting your own horn, screaming to the rooftop, then honestly no one else needs too.

But the makeup, the fancy dress or trying to be presentable for a guest at the door, is simply for myself.

Because honestly even if I open the door unclad, it is to my profound pleasure and no invitation for intimacy.

Although many suggest this to be a method of teasing, hum, will I get a kick out of it? Maybe I could, but I doubt the person on the other side would.

This body no Halle Berry, or Shakira, it’s more free Willy then Hollar!

So if you thought omgs or whhaaattt then thank you.

Cause you did that for meπŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­πŸ˜

Infected

Give it to me.

The spark that ignite life so radiant it mutants an unmoveable bond to share love.

I want to ride on light and fly on clouds.

I want to shake off the chains of fear.

I want to stop thinking up excuses and feast on why not just try.

I don’t want to run into those with fear to live that is just darn don’t to be stubborn to stay stuck and contagious with this dark thinking, living, being.

I want to be the virus that affect the nerves to try.

I’m done living in his shadows let me be the rays that warm and shine in that dark area.

I don’t want to just survive.

I want others to fear if they don’t get close they truly would be wondering don’t I miss out?

Like the sun in the vast space burning so dangerously rays of hurt and health in one.

On one end you tried, on the other the what if isn’t just asked but answered

May I be the possibility if you just stop day dreaming and just act.