This Girl

Having a girl or child was nowhere in my plans.

I for saw the evil and awaited the annulation.

I knew the world and awaited it’s doomed.

I tried to live, I tried it’s rules.

It wouldn’t apply, no i didn’t go far.

The shadows engulfed me, the seas overwhelmed me, the waves buried me, and spat me out the tides did not.

The talk made me hide, the silence made me fear, and the light scorched me.

The truth was a lie, and the lie was illusions.

I screamed, I hinted, I hurled, I ran, I done my deeds and all scars you cannot see.

My affliction, my transgressions, my flaws, my stupidity and it’s ignorance were all my chains, I could not ascend.

The scent of dumbness. The smell of my self doubts drew in the crows that came by many miles.

Was I a swan in a oily duck body? Am I the blue whale inside the man’s zoo? Am I supposed to fly but stuck to the ground? Can I be blind but nothing wrong with my eyes?

I stumble, and reach up I feel nothing. I cry out in the crowd and the passers keep going. I dance a silly dance and I get the stank eye. I love with all and it return void. I pray a prayer and still awaiting relief, or pure blessing oh just get me out of here.

Where can I wait when to hear and be still, while the laws around me cave upon me like Jericho.

I got no support, no beams, no foundations, nor shield when I get blasted I take the whole blow.

Oh I am standing outwardly but I am dead inside and maybe why my dearest belove rather be with another then smell the corpse of my decaying crying out to God heart, please help me but I didn’t ask to be here, honestly I didn’t.

But I do live on till you Dear take me out.

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