Wonderful news

Thank God almighty.

It was terrible

The dread.

The fear.

That’s night was just the worst

It goes without saying he just was a bad guy

I thought it was my doom

I missed another boo.

It would have been grand.

The other guy knew what to do.

But this guy’s worst than bland.

Was that my sister in bed?

No it’s little pencil.

He made no connection, no heart infection.

Matter of fact he brought no affection.

I could have been a corpse

He would still bring no spark.

Yet this dumb fellow would little to no might would keep falling and going that little no good pencil.

Asked if I was ok.

I couldn’t say, it was so bad.

Ladies with batteries had it glad.

It seemed to stand.

But no sound for the band.

Not pretense from this girl.

He thought a pet and a shake would do the trick.

This guy terribly misled get off and go away.

If you ever see intial FP run girl run it stand for Flat equipment in Progress. Or

Full of Piss.

Franklin I should have known Patrick was a sponge.

Like Glass

In the fire I was, I turned, and spat, I kicked, and ached.

Out the fire I’m not, but I’m still here.

Transparent I am with vibrant colors of moods am I.

Don’t handle like I never warn you.

Don’t trample around like my feet are glued to this table.

A chip fell off here, some paint there, I am still me.

Don’t get carried away as if holding a ball.

Don’t hold me to the light my skin is fragile.

You shouldn’t hold me tight, I bite or fight.

I slip from hands too rough and break away all over the floor, just get the broom.

I urge you but you didn’t listen so I cut you, because I knew you could not fix me in your haste to change me.

Trying to pour into me, I warned you I’m chipped.

Tried to trick me, but I slipped out from under your fingers.

I’m transparent and yet you won’t believe me.

And when I hurt you, your disgust by me. Casting stones at me.

Did it help?

HOH

How dare you think you can be here.

This shift right here is no picnic.

I heard you once. I heard you twice, but you ain’t listening to a word I say.

This space right here, you don’t just wake up to.

You can’t just say put it all on me.

Don’t make or demand withdrawals where no deposit made.

Don’t ask to borrow where no return is plan.

We got no history of strong reference.

You have no evidence of your eloquent speachs.

You might be gifted but so.

Your action are something of a sly fox.

Don’t try to slide in where you not fitted.

There is a cross to carry to be me.

There are blisters, headaches, bruises, brokenness and scars to be had to be ahead of me.

This ain’t no job for the weak.

My reigns made of chains and leather, pulling a boulder with no heifer up a hill called life.

Don’t sit next to me, insisting your for me, less you have a ticket from heaven.

Some of us were tossed into authority to the point to keep it, cost too much to just pass off to just some anyone.

I’ll be here if halfway you give up.

I’ll be here when your words fall into the fire and fly away unto my field of life to consume with trails of broken promises what it did not plant nor nurture.

I’ll be here after the sunny seasons long left, and the wind blew in the walls, and the rain destroy the roof, and the wind walks through the house like a chilled dog, I go out in the winter to protect what’s in my protection.

I’ll be here when that little heart needs love and…

I’ll be here when those small feet rise and stumble in cycles.

I’ll be here regardless the season when you won’t even try and think of all the while how you had it better when.

See I’ll be here, while your steps are ever quicken to get us to move and bend but subject to just be, I’ll be here.

In my journey where change is inevitable and growing in my lane, not desiring to be masked, overlooked, overshadowed, displaying a life I do not breathe, I’ll be here.

I won’t move out the way, because you see my strength or weakness or both and think it be cute, or sly to take me on.

I am not my inflicted experience. It is me in strength and overcoming its weakness.

I am that tamber wolf in the winter. That bird in the spring, that beautiful willow planted through it look sad it covers and can touch the ground it’s rooted in autumn. That butterfly, in the summer in the field of neighborhood gently resting by and by.

The shoes I wear.

I have to admit, this made it hard to bare.

I used to ware it like a mask or dress.

No thrill life this girl declared.

To have to be ok when admitting I’m not there.

I’m not all strong.

I swore I used to be.

I don’t like saying I need help and…

When eyes do see but heart cannot.

It’s easier to speak ” I got it,” indeed.

I don’t like leaning where I was once strong.

This dear chick made men go in awe.

I prayed to have the strength of Samson

Because boys strong as ox would rather sit and wait for dainty dames.

And some boys are worse, well you catch my drift.

I’m not cute at faking an aid.

I can’t bat my eyes and see them run.

Oh I bat my eyes like this, but um, no none would come.

So I pick up my cross, til my knee pops and my foot sling.

So don’t dare play coy with me.

No let’s not pretend, if I called you come running.

To the bitter end be honest.

I have only receive kindness from strangers.

No see I would love to say I’m strong.

Because admitting a pain and having a need, is for most a very bad seed.

I rather plant roses than daisy.

While roses are pretty, their thorns give them away.

While daisies are crazy, they grow anywhere. Wanting to be seen they’re wild with nature resemblance of weeds.

Aha I did it

You don’t want to talk to me?

Don’t want to pay me back.

You rather hide and leave the city and go to games out of state then pay me back.

Ok I moved on too.

I haven’t checked your Facebook page to see what you up to.

A matter of fact it’s almost past 30days since termination, that’s right not cancel but utter elimination.

I won’t even waste my minutes to call using different numbers on my free app.

Nor will I go to bus booths leaving your number and a “call me I’m horny but handsome” pencil to pass byers.

I wish you well and move on.

And guess what!

Brought a dog and named him Kevin not because I miss you but so I can tell him, stop eating his crap.

And you know I don’t like dogs but I figured since I can’t have you to love, I will just buy a dog to watch the house.

This won’t replace what we could have had but the idea of me telling Kevin “Good boy.” When he behaves and a happy tail brings tears of joy to my face.

My treat to you, little male trick.

What a nag

Last night I dreamt a dream I knew was just a dream, you were there and spoke to me, like we were never close before.

I let play out, because in this world I wake up, you are such a jerk!

Even in my dreams you too much a pain.

But my dear ol pain aren’t we all, my friend?

You knew not how dear you are.

Still in this dream, you sly devil you, how I hang on every word. Were my teacher then, as much as you were when. I knew if I woke up you certainly won’t be there.

I never wish for your fall, always rise above the clouds even if you never call.

Block me from your life, lock me from every news, I still wish you all the best.

Put your hand on your hip, where you worked your friends like me better. Boy I’m just the new kid on the block, the spot light will return upon your crown.

I just enjoyed your reaction to me and everything you did.

At 8:06 my alarm flutter my eyes. I hug my pillow to return for a moment just to spend time with the fragment of you that evidently lingers in my soul.

Now you smile at me and walk away, but seeing your back I open my eyes how long would it have lasted, anyway?

Boyish stand

I don’t like it one bit.

We just met and you want to control me

Making fun of me, but I know you don’t like you

Putting up airs how you cool with your looks while mocking the way God made me, huh?

Now trying to manipulate me to, oblige your orders as a male while disregarding my mind, my space, and oh yeah my place as a woman.

Man you do not rule me.

Boy you cannot break me.

I know who I am and I recognize your brokenness see that net you cast thought you had me.

But I came aboard willingly and I leave as swiftly as I came with the wind.

So be careful how you speak to me.

As I am not carefree how I speak to you through I at liberty to speak my mind, I hold my tongue as I may come off rough as my words cut like sharp shardes of glass.

I come off timid but I roll like the tides, very inviting but I come off strong.

You think you can handle me but I’m far too strong, make you run away with the tail between your legs, so I leave you when the best days seem ahead but without you knowing I have been all day fed.

Burned out

I don’t get it.

What do you want from me?

Ah you cute, you say but I never got my way, and coming from you means absolutely nothing to me.

What can I say, prudent? Prudent? Prudent…. How can I imagine the future for when I did every fiber of it, my schooling, my experience, my plans, all of it went to smoke.

Plan what? I can’t see the future and my neighbors are animals pooping on my lawn, calling police for me protecting my family from a strange dog with a BB gun and stealing my property. Plans? I’m just praying for this to be over soon.

All of it.

Laying up my things, when money, people steal it. I tried it, banks even take it, if you don’t make or keep enough. These foolish, ignorant, moron no moral neighbors poop on it and police just say get a camera like it grows on trees. I’m tired of this. Replacing my own things that ain’t right when I didn’t mess up, destroy, pee or poop on my own things.

Police had the gulls to ask me what I do? Like I couldn’t imagine doing something as equivalently devious to have such an action done to me. Like how can one explain that? I keep to myself I mind my own affairs, I am just that person. How can the victim be the villain? How vigilant must I be to someone so daring and repulsive. I mean feces so foul smelt like a bad kidney. I worked at a hospital and crap ain’t supposed to smell like that.

I’m not a people’s person. And trying to be an entrepreneur without money is just how to say this? Beyond my reach.

What do I want to do? I want to move! To a place no one is at. No human sign the size of 2 football fields and just enough trees that it’s not bare. Can’t die everyone goes to the grave.

A guy asked me if it was cool for him to scrap and when I said that’s what you do, I don’t care he said I know that’s what I do I was wondering if you mind. Like dude; block, bye idk what to tell you. I’m not in the business of telling people what to do with their life. Longs your straight, and know we not going to be more so no touching, we good.

That’s all I know. What’s in front of me now. I have no imagination for the future.

I can dream of my dream car CRV Honda, snow pearl white, dream home 9ft high surrounding the entire property fence, pool table, alarm system, lawn, bedrooms, stainless steel appliances mint green, walk-in food pantry, walk-in closets 3story flat top roof, with 2car garage, a club house a literal tree house, blue riding lawnmower, two 30ft teddy bears, custom beds, 4bd 3baths, built in grill on roof,indoor pool and dance room, granite countertops, island with fruit bar built in, glass cabinet doors high ceiling, marble flooring, waterproof stain resistant heated floors whirlpool tub and shower with mesh glass, his and her counter bowl facility, deep 2side kitchen sink with a spring head faucet, all electric appliances, fishtank stairwell, high, heavy metal doors and cameras as far as I can see, 2 rocking chairs, 2 porch swings, 3 egg swings, and a tire swing under a magnolia tree among other amenities but hell I don’t know how to get those things. I know I hate dealing with people.

I don’t care about your order, nor your change, your clothes, your car, your refill, your day, who you work for, what you do less it can keep ME from uniforms, faces, buildings and calls.

If I have to pick up one more order, wipe one more table, carry or get hit by a box of, push another 300 pound person, smell another_$@$# I’m going to scream!

They don’t pay enough for my time and efforts and I go nowhere fast on $1tips and people are stupid. You get mugged for finger nails or kidney and the cops do nothing and I’m to dream?

I’m dreaming a millionaire passes and somehow leaves me 1million doesn’t have to be more than that. And the lawyer is kind enough to leave my name out the presence of the family hearing the will.

Yelp no work, no education, no energy, or time wasted. Bam and no taxes. Hoorah!

No soul would hear from me a peeping word.

Knit in my rocker with a shotgun in the corner and a glass of lemonade humming old hymns is what I do.

Wrong Address

The devil is in the detail.

I tell you the truth he isn’t as invisible as people love you to believe.

He is as transparent as the day.

Minding his name and being in the fibers of people around you.

The scary part is, you seen him and just didn’t fight him, address him, ignored him and most likely feeding him.

Mark 5 speaks of a man who was demon possessed that could not be bind, his strength was without match. His neighbors just didn’t know the name of the demon.

When someone calls your phone and asked for another name, do you go ” Oh yeah Paul, I’m going to go find him. Silent your phone return in a moment later and say ” Ah this isn’t Paul’s phone but may I leave a message?”

You would no more waste your time less you a prankster and lonely then just hangup and if you like me, block the number. (Extreme I know but I had idiots call the same number after the first failed attempt like bro!)

Jesus commanded the impure spirit to come out. You would think alright Jesus, but it followed by this question ” What is your name?”

And get this they responded ” Legion for we are many.”

Like your doctor says ok you have to get a full exam, right?

After your exam your doctor goes ok, need iron, be careful of your sugar intake, and oh yeah no red meat for awhile. Like your just borderline across the board.

In one case someone else is diabetic, iron deficiency, anemic and hypercholesterolemia.

The restrictions in your life pale in comparison.

But it has a name.

You have a name.

Jesus is a name. The name name of the son that says if you think your enemy is invisible your tripping.

Demons even have smells.

I know you want to log off. This chick crazy. Demons, smells, names, addressing. I ain’t addressing no demon. Why not? He’s got your number.

Everytime your pissed off, or worried even doctors say look laugh, work out, stay calm.

Stress literally kills and Satan roams as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, and guess what, your prey my friend. So you better prey for covering over your life.

From afar the man saw Jesus from the tomb. Jesus left the boat and he ran to Jesus and then shouted, so you know he wasn’t close but he must had been upset because he asked Jesus what he want from him. Like what could Jesus want with demons? And they pleaded to be sent to the swine nearby now, Mark says they begged to stay in the area, Matthew not very detailed, said oh they just wanted to be in swine and oh it was two men possessed. You don’t even get the name of the demons.

Like a doctor prescribing you medicine not telling you what they for but you oblige and get better, right?

In Mark and Matthew we understand Jesus was requested to leave by the people because they witness 2things, their pigs leaping off the edge to drown themselves and a man clothed for the first time, and who knows how long, in his right mind. They tell the son of God to leave.

Satan loves the smell of fear. And let’s be honest the swine died nearby which meant when this country in Gadarenes sent Jesus away they were ripe for the picking. Through they did such Jesus left his anointing the man that was healed was able to give testimony. So he wasn’t born that way. Jesus said to him return to your house.

I returned to reading Luke 8:22 and I read this and it answers Now it came to pass on a certain day that he went into a ship with his disciples and he said unto them let us go over and to the other side of the lake and they latch forth. Jesus came to save him.

Now you must be saying ok (if you made it this far reading) I’m not Jesus. And I used to say that, I mean duh 🙄. But we are left with a comforter. Holy spirit and Jesus has come to meet you where you at and redeem you. But you gotta to call it what it is.

Everyday I self evaluate, self evaluate, because this flesh is always against the spirit but if I don’t sit down and call it, it would rule me. Yesterday I was so like omgs I could have saved me an additional 15% my dresses because I am trying to learn how to save and I’m no means a big spender but I am a former unwise spender.

I used to say to myself ok today you’re going to do better, because we know better, yeah! I used to get in so much trouble with this. I would hate that I didn’t do as good, or how I should have went here and done that. But that’s idolatry.

I have been so hard on me, that I forget even in the process of understanding others, forgiving others that I too should forgive me.

And to praise God for the mini triumphs, better is He that is in me then he that is of this world.

So what I missed the additional 15%, I also left my phone and sis car too. So looking up that would have been in vain, but I gain 2 pretty dresses. Hay count your victories. If someone’s going to get mine blessings it’s this girl!

I had to learn to say ok today you’re doing better, because it’s just one step in the right direction, Just take the one and God will deal with the rest. The enemy has a name and you have a battle to prepare for.

Gird up your loins, put on the breast plate of righteousness, pull back the covers of the enemy and let him know we see you.

My sister has this thorn that would usually irritate me, if I didn’t agree with her she would toss out the subject even through she wasn’t speaking at the given moment she wouldn’t even be the starter of the conversation but she would go ” Ok end of that.” Like my mother and I just getting the ball rolling and she’s the baby girl not even like ok middle child but growing up she ate and preferred the little kids table which the elder kids didn’t mind cause she was such a tattle tale/liar it was crazy.

I might have been a liar but I was no snitch, nor even converse with parents really so I digress. She fells she’s entitled. Like I pay the bills, I be like $&@73 you live there duh. This is where I wish younger siblings did respect elder siblings. Period. Ok. But again I digress I realized she feels empowered by demanding what she does not get, what money can’t buy.

Billionaires have problem with this. How can I pay a person with morals to agree and inform to my opinions?

She literally throw away money at kids like ok I brought one a toy and brought another one so they wouldn’t feel left out, like that wasn’t how we were raised but idolatry is throwing physical fix at a spiritual problem and worshiping this outcome despite prove bad even deathly.

I mean a healthy conversation is shutting down others opinion opposite yours. Trust and believe they find wisdom from mouths across the sea that knowledge is across the street.

Then instead of asking me if buying my kid a toy is ok she buys it and says well my intention was for our nephew whom she was watching but she didn’t want to neglect my kid. Which I’m ok, but not ok. See later my nephew just cried, and whined the rest of the time. Like so you brought him a toy but he’s done nothing to deserve it. She does this frequently. In adult conference she acts as through she’s head CEO, and I think, once she will wake up and find out her opinion of herself will have to alter. Because she wraps herself with such a high regard unfortunately a fall is coming.

This behavior is clearly from Satan I mean how else can you explain this method, throwing money at a child you allow to do anything but then you desire to spank him for being more that you allowed because oh buying him gifts and letting him run around is one thing but him diving under clothes and whining is another?

She was hoping I keep him as we roam around from store to store which she didn’t inform me we were going( don’t you just love people that say ah we going to Walmart but go to Sam’s. Or Aldi’s and they take you home.) but since she brought him a toy and I had my own kid I left her 🤣, yes I did, not with my child I took my child and we looked around. Sometimes I remind her, she’s not my boss in the most peaceful and loving way that she can’t fight.

This enemy has a smell, yeah thought I forgot to add….I didn’t. There was a woman I seen and for whatever reason she was off. Yeah you can feel it too, less your immune which means your already got. She was so off to me. I felt the need to vomit she was so off. Now if your a parent or someone who is trained to security or something senses just ring right? We’re trained to if you feel something off most likely it is and to keep an open eye out. To not be so obvious you know.

From a loving home a girl is trained to close her legs. Seems like I’m off right, why would I say that? Well in a dress or skirt you can’t seat down like it’s pants or shorts. Ok. Parents glance ok you good. But in a dress or skirt a loving mother or dad goes omgs come here. And explain why you should be aware of how you seat in the dress. Well this woman was in pants and evidently if she wore a dress a man could outclass her. Ok. That’s how odd it was. Like your plumber guy came in and through you don’t see his crack and very grateful you wished he wore some other pants. Not women’s joggers just to paint a picture. It turns out my senses were on point through slow on the process of flirting she was indeed flirting I mean she asked for sugar and I was so lost I actually just didn’t trust her. And no one asks for sugar in 2018 and she had this smell of nauseating on her it was worst then working at the hospital. But she would leave gifts and me I’m thinking she trying to be on my good side, cause she’s old. I told my guy employees and they go oh you have an admiral. Boy that only sicken me more, shortly I didn’t care I lost the job, I cared more she lived by me and wanted to exit stage left like this great plague taking over people’s lives ok.

I believe God made woman for man and man for woman. If any man disagrees take it up to God.

Am I married, nope.

Am I practicing sex outside of marriage not since spring 2017.

Have I ever watched porn, well in movies yeah but flat out nope, even in movies I fast forward or turn.

I believe playing with self is just fornication in which acts I do not comply.

Solomon says the breast are the man’s delight, the husband’s and honestly I delight in 5cups smaller😁 searching for a tank and bra isn’t easy, plus you men don’t carry them my spine hurts if I sit too long.

Plus it just looks weird. I don’t get the appeal small head huge rack. It swells up the shoulders and your arms just what is the point? We all are different? I just want to make sense I digress oh it’s a sin to get distracted from the Lord. Idolatry.